Wednesday, November 10, 2010

12WBT +52

I'm feeling the need to get into my old routine again.  No, not the come home and flop down on the couch until it's time for bed.  The old routine of being disciplined: exercise and blog maintenance.  It's so easy for one to become almost complacent and slowly fall back into the old, bad habits.  I feel that, upon reflection over the last couple of weeks, this is what I've done.  There are no excuses.  It's just a case of not keeping an eye on the ball.  Some of my entries - even though each and every day since the first day of the pre-season are documented - are rather poorly done.  In part, this is due to not having anything to say.  It's also been a case of not wanting to express all my feelings about this process.  Why not?  I dunno.  It's just my personality, I guess.  I'm one of those people who is like a sponge; I will sit and absorb the surroundings and, wherever possible, avoid being put in the awkward position of being the centre of attention.  I like being a people-watcher or the person who does the work behind the scenes.  Always have; always will.

This seems like an odd introduction to today's post as it's all over the place (mind you, if you think that's bad - try walking around for a day with my head.  It's hard following all the trains of thought that go on in there...especially with the high frequency of derailments!) but I do have a point (otherwise I'd be pointless - get it?  ;) ).  I popped into the forums again the other night and read a few of the posts.  What I realised (re-realised, actually) is that the online arena for me is just like real life.  While it's often said that people take on a different personality online, I'm not one of them.  I am who I am.  It's interesting being the observer in the (online) room and watching the various personalities.  What I notice is there appears to be a lot of people who, more than likely without any intentions of doing so, shut others out/down by the way they speak (just like in real life).  Perhaps I'm more aware of this not so much because I am one who sometimes feels I get shut down, but because I've worked in the online environment before (teaching postgraduate courses online).  Who knows.  I just know that it kinda wiggs me out.  Also, the more people there are in a room (be it physical or online), the more I shrink away into a corner.  That doesn't help matters.

Can I just give an example of what I mean by feeling almost shut out/down?  People who are, by my comparison, tiny (e.g., close to half my starting weight) who are 'struggling' to get to their goal weight.  I mean, good on them for having a goal and working towards it - that's great!  But when you're about twice their weight and struggling to drop something (and no where near what your ideal weight would be), it's kind of difficult to comprehend.  It makes me think of all the advertising for gyms and a lot of the weight loss programs out there.  Let's have yet another place for the beautiful people to show off (not that anyone on this program is showing off - in fact, one thing I like about it is that it's advertising all seems to be word of mouth!).  

All that negativity aside, the one good thing about the forums is that the positivity exudes from every virtual corner.  Even people who are having a rough time of things are still, in various ways, rather positive.  Sure, you'd expect it to be like that given everyone in the program has a common goal (or an element of a common goal).  It's great to see that if someone is having a bad day/week/month, then (a) they're not alone in it and (b) there are some wonderful, supportive people around to help keep them chipper.  

I suppose I never expected there to be so many people taking the program up and, as mentioned, the more people - even online - the more I will try to blend into the background.  It all comes down to me having a general lack of confidence within myself.  I've always associated my lack of confidence with being overweight (I also think that's why I'm such a sarcastic bugger - always tried to use humour/wit about myself to starve off other people doing it for me (no pun intended there, either)).  I think when I lost weight while living in London (without even trying to!), my confidence increased a wee bit.  Since I've been in Australia and gained a bit of that weight back, it kinda sunk again.

Hmm.  Guess who's having a case of the 'fats' (I don't think I'm going to be losing any weight this week so I'm all 'negative Nigel').  Enough of that now.  One shouldn't be allowed to write such crap on the Internet (it's already got more than enough!).

So.  Today.  Brekkie was cereal with berries & yoghurt.  I've gone back to putting in the rolled oats (low GI) with the cereal, along with cinnamon & ground linseed with the yoghurt.  It really is amazing how the rolled oats do help keep you fuller for longer.  Now, saying that, I was quite peckish today and ended up having my lunch earlier than I normally do (by about an hour).  Lunch had to be modified again today - we had lettuce, tomato, grated babybel (mmm) and quinoa wraps.  I really do love quinoa.  Wasn't so sure about it the first time Wifey introduced me to it; now - different story.  Another low GI portion and it's worked, too.  Not even hungry after doing my exercise when I got home.

Actually, exercise was fun today (and killing 665 more calories doesn't hurt).  I know, if you know me, you'd find that to be the oddest thing you'd ever hear (or read) me utter.  It's true though.  Don't know why, but I really, really enjoyed it.  Perhaps it's because yesterday the blisters were a bit niggly and I couldn't do it.  I really don't know.  Here's hoping I can keep up with the enjoyment of it :)

Had the minestrone for dinner.  We halved the menu size (not realising that we were meant to keep some for leftovers at the time) and still had enough left for a lunch each.  How good was that :)  It was a lot more filling that the lamb cutlets.  I had all good intentions of finishing off the fitness test bits that were still outstanding...but didn't get to them.  Tomorrow is another day.  Now, after lamenting above about the forums, I did slip on and post a couple of comments.  One was (more lamenting) about not being able to improve in my ab section of the fitness test.  I just can't seem to get past the first one, which is embarrassing (when you consider that I've not had babies or the likes - I'm just fat and lazy).  The second one was about the confusion about the new accelerator day being introduced.  Apparently, despite it not being on the menu etc when I printed it on Friday and Mish saying it started next week, it started this week.  Oh well.  I don't mind too much.  Next week is fine for me.  Just a wee glitch (and the only one I've noticed in the program so far - major small one, that is ;) ).  No one is perfect (except me ;) ).

No comments:

Post a Comment